The painting “when the demons are awakened” from the series My Brain tortured me so intensively that I had to change it. For comparison purposes I am publishing both the old and the new versions. In the new version I worked with more tricky colours and I added more crazy materials. It is more frantic and wilder. I think that the words “frantic” and maybe even "furious” could describe this new painting. What else should you expect when the demons are awakened?

My Brain when the demons are awakened - new

My brain when the demons are awakened - old

My brain, my chaotic brain inspired me to make these, I think really good, paintings. The series is called "My Brain" of course.

They are 7 paintings all together (until today at least). I am very proud to present them here. I have divided them into two posts. (My Brain part I and My Brain part II).

Six of them are highly abstract; only one of them is highly illustrative, although with some accents of weirdness. To make the collages I have used lots of stuff. The basis for te six abstract paintings are juices from beetroot, blueberry and a few mixed-leaves and beyond that in some of the paintings there are also acrylics.

In the painting ‘My Brain the Day After’ you can even find a piece of a real beetroot. In the painting “I Am Just OK”   I only used beetroot juice (first cooked together with some vinegar).

The portrait of “Jim emptying his glass of wine and then making the world bleed” is painted with oil paints and finished with beetroot juice and nuggets of coco flakes.

When I am thinking about nice things - 51cm x 60cm

My brain when I see you sufering - 60cm x 51cm

I am just OK

The complexity of the connectivity between these cells is mind-boggling. Each neuron can make contact with thousands or even tens of thousands of others, via tiny structures called synapses. Our brains form a million new connections every second of our lives. The pattern and strength of the connections is constantly changing and no two brains are alike. And if you thought that your brain is highly organised, ordered, logical and it has everything under control you are wrong. You are wrong! In reality, your brain operates on the edge of chaos, very often.

(From New Scientist)

At least my brain does. I am a great example of it, par excellence! I was really glad when one day I found this article in New Scientist (01 April 2009) with the title “Our complex brains thrive on the edge of chaos”. My whole life I have had a chaotic mind: with millions of ideas, inconsistencies, weirdities; thousands of times a second; with several things happening simultaneously; never able to relax my brain; never able to stop my brain thinking (not even when asleep). Often I thought I am not normal, my brain is not normal. Until I read this: “CHAOTIC thinking is rarely a recipe for success, but evidence is emerging that operating at the edge of chaos may drive our brain's astonishing capabilities”
And this (from New Scientist too)

HAVE you ever experienced that eerie feeling of a thought popping into your head as if from nowhere, with no clue as to why you had that particular idea at that particular time? You may think that such fleeting thoughts, however random they seem, must be the product of predictable and rational processes. After all, the brain cannot be random, can it? Surely it processes information using ordered, logical operations, like a powerful computer? Actually, no. In reality, your brain operates on the edge of chaos. Though much of the time it runs in an orderly and stable way, every now and again it suddenly and unpredictably lurches into a blizzard of noise. Neuroscientists have long suspected as much. Only recently, however, have they come up with proof that brains work this way. (New Scientist; 29 June 2009 by David Robson)

Once I went to my GP and told her that I am sure that my brain is making noises, noises I can hear. She looked at me and asked if there was a history of mental diseases in my family and told me that I am mad because the brain doesn’t make noises and can’t make noises. She was just as stupid as a mediocre doctor can be, a person without imagination of course. But in the end I was right of course, here is the evidence. Brain 'Noise' increases With age like the wavy lines and snowy static that dance across old TV screens, your brain generates noise (07 July 2008, New Scientist). Isn’t it great, the best machine in the world, maybe only in our world, our small earthly world, is random and needs and makes and generates noises. Great!

My brain, my chaotic brain inspired me to make these, I think really good, paintings.

The series is called "My Brain" of course.

They are 7 paintings all together (until today at least). I am very proud to present them here. I have divided them into two posts. (My Brain part I and My Brain part II).

Six of them are highly abstract; only one of them is highly illustrative, although with some accents of weirdness. To make the collages I have used lots of weird stuff. The basis for the six abstract paintings are juices from beetroot, blueberry and a few mixed-leaves and beyond that in some of the paintings there are also acrylics.

In the painting ‘My Brain the Day After’ you can even find a piece of a real beetroot. In the painting “I Am Just OK” I only used beetroot juice (first cooked together with some vinegar).

“After the Third Glass of Champagne” has been made using blueberry juice (based on vinegar) and beetroot juice and some red vinegar.

The portrait of “Jim emptying his glass of wine and then making the world bleed” is painted with oil paints and finished with beetroot juice and nuggets of coco flakes.

In the night when I can't sleep

When I am wondering about homo imbibens after my 3 glass of champagne

My brain the day after - 90 cm x 90 cm

My brain series part II

I am painting millions paintings in my brain

I don't sleep. I can't sleep.

As a substitute for a sleep I imagine that I paint and

Indeed I am painting millions paintings in my brain.

My brain creates millions images and impressions in my memory

My memory is trying to remember my dreams and my visions.

My hands are drawing the encoded scraps of the past reality in my sleepless grey matter -

the wonderful past reality of those nights when I had been painting millions paintings in my brain.

I want to go to bed and sleep but I can't sleep when I am in bed. My brain hurts me.

My eyes want to turn off my brain, my mind hurts me, dreams, dream i want to dream you.

Please my brain, please let me go asleep and let me dream the dream that I am painting millions paintings in my brain.

©kbt 2008

Kasia, Mintaka and a sleepless night

©kbt 2008 -mixed media